I tend to be a person that casts very few illusions about myself. What's the point of being someone if you're going to lie about who you are, how you got here, and how much shit you had to slog through to become the person standing there? In fact, and you can test me on this, I've made it a point that you can ask me any question, at just about any time, no matter how personal it is and I'll give you the full, honest truth dead sober (I'll just add a few dirty details while drunk)
A few of my mates (I would like to throw a quick 'damn you' to @konamicode for ingraining my head in British slang right about now) have commented a few times about my openness, and a few days ago while walking down the street (Downtown montreal gets crowded) I was in a fair bad mood and refusing to get out of anyone's way. People just kinda parted for me. I'm an easy going person in life but a few of them have mentioned that I have this odd habit of randomly becoming extremely assertive, and that day I finally decided to tell them why.I've decided to basically shout out a story that to date is only known to about 6 people and see if anyone has gotten to where they are due to weird situations or events. It basically all boils down to the one thing that has made me feel comfortable about myself: BDSM.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not a Master Dom or the greatest thing since whips and chains. My current relationship is vanilla and has been for three and a half years. I haven't touched a flogger, whip, or gag in almost 4 and a half years and haven't given an "order" in a little longer. it is, however, a giant interest in mine, and I used to be on the receiving end.
Throughout my life I was always small and meek and never really felt in control of things. Games were my escape, but if I wasn't entranced in a virtual world, I was being directed in one way or another. Studies, band (no, not rock band... Clarinet... ), being kicked around... Everyone controlled my life. This lasted until about College, when I met a lady online that lived in the next province over. We will name her Rabbit. She was a little bit older than me and while normally a submissive personality, she was exploring a dominant streak and wanted a man to train. She chose me, lucky man I was at the time.
She taught me all about the life, the love and care tempered by punishment and strictness. The obedience, the rewards, the rebelliousness and the pain. We spoke until 5 AM and then I would get up at 6 and head to school, come home at 8PM and dive right into talking to her. She consumed my life and my time, not that I minded much. I was entranced, and would do anything she asked me to. To this day I'm not sure if I obeyed simply because I was her sub or because I'd have done anything for her, but she was all I thought about for a long time.
One days things kind of changed though. I was chatting with her, and every time it came to obey, I would just... Refuse. I talked back, I argued. I was issued punishment and I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I was told to lower my eyes and without meaning to I barked at her and told her to lower her eyes instead, and she did. We spoke about it that night, and she told me that something about me made her want to submit. I had somehow become her Dominant, and it felt great at the time. Time passed and while I grew into a much more assertive person in my own life, we came apart greatly, to the point that I haven't spoken to her in many years. Some part of her was unwilling to commit where I was, and we couldn't do any further.
It makes me happy to think back on all of this and remember who I was before. I don't know how I would go on, being that person who cowered in front of everyone, and while I'm bitter at how things ended between me and "Rabbit", I'm glad that I now actually have the nerve to speak to a great many people I never would have without her.
So, what's something really bizarre and unconventional that's made you who you are today?
