celluloid

I should know better than to think, but now that I've been thinking I realise my last relationship could very much be concidered "abusive".
Yes, he never hit me (actually, after I found out he had been cheating on me and lying to me for a year,I hit him... HARD), but it doesnt just take violent action to be abusive.
He often alluded to the fact that he thought I was a slut and constantly made me feel bad about my previous sexual experiences. He would take the things and the money I gave him without ever once giving anything back to me. He demanded I be totally open and honest with him, but never told me the entire truth.

In the not so recent past, he said "you used to love yourself, what happened?" Ya know what happened? I spent a year with someone who never told me I was pretty. I spent a year with someone who would look at his hot goth chick screen saver while having sex with me (maybe thats why I liked gettin it from behind - I couldn't tell what he was lookin at). I spent a year with someone that I loved, admired, and encouraged and very very rarely recieved any encouragement or admiring words. I spent a year with someone who would tell his room mates and EXgirlfriend that I was immature, a poor planner, and bad with my money... All while his CD collection grew and the kitchen stayed empty.

Yes, it is my fault that I let his words and actions make me hate myself. I should have been stronger and I should have had the fuckin balls to say :my way or the highway".
But it is his fault that he lied and took, and never once gave. Its his fault that he lead me on for a year. Its his fault that he's so fucked up that he thinks that's love but won't get any help for himself.

I should be glad this relationship is over. Kid is fucked in the head. What he gave me was not love. What he gave me, really, was nothing. He's a leach. He's a deciever.

I feel sorry for his new "special friend". Perhaps she should take a look at things he said to/about me a year ago... Then think about how "special" she REALLY is.