cedar

went to a sleep study place last night...

i've been having some seriously bad problems with my whole 'sleep cycle' thing. i'm under the impression i have sleep apnea. now it's not only one of the hottest girls on sg, but something that i suffer from. i stop breathing when i'm asleep. just....stop. that, and i snore like a dirty ol' fat man. for the past two weeks the boy has actually had to get up and leave the room if he's wanted any sleep. i'm noisy. i kick, turn, and spasm. i type in my sleep. and it sounds like someone put a hardcore vibrator in my throat.

so, i get to the sleep study place. they explain the procedures to me. i have to lay around for a while, and watch tv until i fall asleep. sounded easy enough, right? no.
they then proceed to attach 3,000 pounds of wires and electrodes to my body. six on my skull, five on my face. one microphone facing inwards in my neck, one that goes intirely around my neck. one nose piece, two behind my ears, two on my chest, and two on my legs. wheeee! i'm sticky, itchy, and about 15 pounds heavier. then they plug me in.
the technician kinda stood in the doorway for a second, then said..."okay. now you sleep."
now? okay, sure. i'll just instantaniously pass out upon command. nevermind the fact that i look and feel like the lawnmower man. i am cedar-borg. resistiance is futile. all will be assimilated.

two hours later i pass out.
about 2 am i have to pee. that's an experience in itself. you don't get to remove the wires to go to the bathroom. you just kinda shlep them with you....
am i gonna get electrocuted if i accidentally dip one in the toilet?! god, i hope not.
5:30 am. technician bursts in the door! "okay, study over! you done!!" no apneas, mild snoring. "you're fine! go home now!"

huh, what? apparently it's the one time in my life i really needed to NOT get a good nights sleep, so they can diagnose the problem. no problem, no solution.

i slept like a fucking log. go me.