cedar

you'll find me in my head. chain smoking and drinking coffee. bloody red wine velvet walls, breaking open at the seams. cracking with harsh jagged black shadow, coming out of muted color. everything bright and shiney, but the shade is coming. "and you never get to heaven if you're too afraid to fly" she said. but you could've only hear it here. too bad it's a no-admittance area. some place i'm scared to go. i can only imagine how you might feel, considering you've never been here.
if i spoke backwards, maybe i'd get through. ?esnes erom ekam d'ti ebyam like broken sentences, thoughts. fragments. words don't push as hard as they should. words push harder than they should.
and god if i could only spit out the formula, a piece of tape on my tounge. then we wouldn't be in this mess.
and i'm sorry. i guess i was wrong.









lush blood, oh love...to feel.
i just get this feeling.
but is this real?