cecelia

I'm going to be back out "on the market" again soon.
I'll assume everyone else is happier about this than I am.

I know it needs to be this way, and I probably deserve better than I've been getting, but I feel like I'm losing my best friend and this is going to rip me to shreds. My life is going to be in an uproar for a while.

I find it hard to believe that there are many guys out there who will welcome being with a chick with a kid.

I feel like a car....like I've lost value since I've been used for so long with minimal care, and not recieved proper maintenance. Like a car that's had too much cosmetic wear and tear, too many scratches and dents, too many miles on it, and comes with too much baggage, no guarantees and little monetary worth. Hey, at least I have satisfactory performance.
(Oh, look, she still has humor.....)

What the hell am I supposed to do now?

Time to be a big girl. I hope I can handle this.

9:30 PM:
I've read the comments, talked to people, and had a lot of time to think today.
I don't know what makes me so upset about this, actually. Not being with a guy who abuses alcohol, gets violent, is way less than Father of the Year and sleeps around should be a good thing, right? When we're good, we're awesome....tranquil, happy, almost like a normal family. But when we're bad, I want out more than ever. We're going to be great friends....I don't get why this is so hard...I don't know why I'm still trying to justify why we should work it out. We've been trying for almost 3 years, why is now different? I guess it's not. Now's a good time to get out, but it's a lot harder than I thought it would be.