cc_baxter

it's funny how i've deluded myself to think that keeping some kind of online journal would possibly be able to shed any sort of light, or provide any sort of relief. even this if i were to analyze it is just some strange exclamation of

"here i am god damn it, and i'm not
happy!"

greiving is a very long and unsettling process best left alone and with a modicum of self respect. ordinarily when i'm feeling low i embrace my hermatic nature and seek isolation, but now i feel that indulging myself in this sort of behavior is really only indulgent and self destructive, but what do you do when trying to overcome your very nature? it is not enough to see it and know that it is an apple when deep down inside your convinced that it is an orange. but how do you bring yourself to eat an apple when deep down inside you know you want an orange even though it will upset your stomach? okay now i'm being redundant, it's time for a shot and a good sleep.


harummph!