cbomb

soooo

I totally cant believe its the hols....it really doesnt feel like it to me...usually i love and adore christmakah haha..my friends and i all throw killer parties...but this year? none of us were in the spirit at all...i went to one party that was really fun but the rest of us were like nah...not gonna bother...granted in past years we've lived together and its been easier and this year we all live on our own but still.....

I'm ready to take down my decorations and its not even new years yet....usually i wait till after...its kinda sad...


i dunno if its coz im sik right now, or coz im stressed with just life not being the way i had hoped it would b...but thats just silly. I'm working really hard right now to get my life on track, it doesnt just fall into your lap and say here ya go here's an easy life and a great career. You have to work hard for it which is exactly wot im doing.

I'm busting my balls freelancing at different companies until I find that one place where I fit in and find that full time job that screams my name...its just no one wants to hire full time when they can pay freelance or better yet free interns...it blows....im getting dissalusioned with an industry i love. im not the only one who feels like that. my friend just lost his job and he is stuck like i am.....we're both like what do we do? go back to school for something new? i mean im so in debt that could i even get another school loan??

sometimes I think i should just gone into genetics like my dad since i know im really good at it....or well i could be....but all that school bugs me out!!! i fukin hated school.......and i love fashion design......

I guess maybe this is just normal...i know some years there just armnt jobs and i need to just keep working hard and something will come up.....I work really hard..... i just wish something would happen for me soon

and then this stupid thing with bj on top of that...he's now using the nickname I GAVE HIM as his myspace name to pick up other chicks. ugh, LAME. but at least its helping me to see wot an asshole he is....so i know i need to find a "nice" guy. whatever the hell that is

I had a dream about my "perfect" guy. it wasnt intentional. it started as a dream about me and friends going to see a show my friend megan is doing the costumes for....and this amazing guy just happened to b there.....lol....i cant wait to tell her....maybe it was prophetic?? hahah....doubt it...every guy at her school is gay...but oh well....

anyway. WISHING EVERYONE HAPPY HOLS and stuff like that....and CHEERFUL THOUGHTS coz im trying to be more cheerful and im gonna work harder to not b so down......

xox