This is basically a repost of what I wrote in myspace earlier this morning. Quite frankly I've haven't got the creative juices flowing enough to write anything else at this time:
Well it's been a whole few days since my last update. Not a lot has happened since the last update. And I just wanna say the word update as many times as possible. So let's update me on my life. It's kinda crappy yet kinda fun. I'm torn between the worlds of Kansas and Louisiana and the world of possibility. Possibility implying the rest of the world that I want to go see and so on and so forth. I'm already in the works to go to Europe next summer. Backpacking and riding the Eurail to dozens and dozens of countries. Thus, i'm getting an awesome camera. And I will take tons of pics and link it to here for all to see. Lately, i've been complacent and contemplating heavy things of life. It's been full of doubt a lot lately. Will I ever make it in this world? Will I ever be happy? Will I live life on my own terms or submit my free will and live for a higher power? I'm holding out as long as I can. Fighting the urges to conform and lose what makes me...me. But it looks like life would be so much easier and happy if I went with the grain of society and not against it. I'm 20 years old. A quarter of my life is gone and to what end and purpose? What the hell did I do that makes me special among anyone in that 20 years? Being myself doesn't count. I've never been myself. I'm an artful deceiver rather than dodger. Always changing my personality and characteristics to blend into the given situation. It seems to me that my personality was killed long ago in childhood. I guess the best I can do is hope and pursue. Hope that life plays a good hand this time around and pursue it the good hand with a big gamble. Right now I feel like I need to bet it all. Because if I don't, my life is going to remain permanently fucked and I can't doing anything about it. And if the gamble doesn't pay off, then I can either stay and play the rest of the game, or walk away and stop playing altogether.
Well it's been a whole few days since my last update. Not a lot has happened since the last update. And I just wanna say the word update as many times as possible. So let's update me on my life. It's kinda crappy yet kinda fun. I'm torn between the worlds of Kansas and Louisiana and the world of possibility. Possibility implying the rest of the world that I want to go see and so on and so forth. I'm already in the works to go to Europe next summer. Backpacking and riding the Eurail to dozens and dozens of countries. Thus, i'm getting an awesome camera. And I will take tons of pics and link it to here for all to see. Lately, i've been complacent and contemplating heavy things of life. It's been full of doubt a lot lately. Will I ever make it in this world? Will I ever be happy? Will I live life on my own terms or submit my free will and live for a higher power? I'm holding out as long as I can. Fighting the urges to conform and lose what makes me...me. But it looks like life would be so much easier and happy if I went with the grain of society and not against it. I'm 20 years old. A quarter of my life is gone and to what end and purpose? What the hell did I do that makes me special among anyone in that 20 years? Being myself doesn't count. I've never been myself. I'm an artful deceiver rather than dodger. Always changing my personality and characteristics to blend into the given situation. It seems to me that my personality was killed long ago in childhood. I guess the best I can do is hope and pursue. Hope that life plays a good hand this time around and pursue it the good hand with a big gamble. Right now I feel like I need to bet it all. Because if I don't, my life is going to remain permanently fucked and I can't doing anything about it. And if the gamble doesn't pay off, then I can either stay and play the rest of the game, or walk away and stop playing altogether.