cayce

i feel an insane need to create something.
but i don't have an avenue of expression yet.
maybe this is why i take so easily to suggestion.
sometimes i want to paint, other times to be a singer/songwriter,
maybe write the great american novel, who knows.
tonight i watched pump up the volume.
wow, amazing, what teenager didn't feel like that.
hell, who doesn't still feel lost sometimes.
so, now my easily suggestible self wants her very own pirate
radio station. i know t would be down, he's been wanting to do
internet radio for years.
but, the big question is... do i really have anything to say??
isn't this whole blogging, journaling, whatever you want to call
it phenomenon just about satisfying our own narcissist desires?
now, anyone can be heard, instantly- if anyone wants to hear it.
but so i ever really say anything, even here... i mean
i'm given the chance to right?
but maybe this is too personal, i mean you see my picture,
i've met a couple of you in person. i read your journals, i care
about the things you do. maybe i need an anonymous persona,
an alias that's uncrackable.
maybe i should just say fuck it and create whatever the fuck
i want to and not give a fuck if no one reads it or sees it.
isn't it silly to think i have anything to say thats radical, or
progressive, or worth the time it takes to read it?
damn circular thinking.
i think too much.
i stay inside my head to much.
maybe the only point of self expression is the catharsis it provides.
i just need to open my head and pour all the thoughts out.
in one big jumbley mess they would fall out on my desk-
right here, right in front of me.
and they would crawl into my computer, organize themselves
like good little soldiers and march themselves to you via
the wonderful world of the web.
maybe i should just go back to sleep,
and dream more lovely lovely dreams, that lull me back into sleep
in the hopes of catching up where i left off.
i feel...