Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess named Cavatica. Cavatica had a car-- a white 2002 Focus ZX5. It was a lovely car-- strong, loyal, experienced. Cavatica and her Focus had gone almost 23,000 miles together. They had been everywhere--the Carolinas, Starbucks, even Canada. They had endured rain, ice, snow, rushhour, Marylanders... they had ferried her friends, gone to work, been through mud and fog and scary two-lane dirt roads in the middle of the night. Cavatica loved her car, and Cavatica's car loved her.
Then, one night, Cavatica decided she wanted to go see Constantine. She was excited because, even though her friends were all doing fun stuff for Spring Break, she was home by herself and could do whatever she wanted, and it would be nice to spend exorbitant amounts of money on popcorn with enough butter to be outlawed in 12 states.
But as Cavatica got in her car, she saw that it was hungry and needed gas.
"Poor car!" she thought. "We'll never get to the movie if I don't feed you!" So off they went to the gas station.
When they got there, Cavatica saw that all of the pumps were taken up with other hungry cars-- all the pumps, that was, except for one. But it was on the wrong side of her car, and she would have to turn around and back up to it. Deftly, easily, she wheeled her Focus around to position. As she backed up, Cavatica looked over her right shoulder so that she wouldn't run into the little blue car stopped at the pump in front of the one she was trying to get to--
And suddenly, Cavatica heard an awful noise.
CRUNCHCRUNCHEEEEEECRUNCH!!
Cavatica slammed on the brakes and looked to her left. Her heart sank as she saw she had been ATTACKED by an EVIL telephone pole that had leaped up out of nowhere! Her left side-view mirror dangled pathetically by its wires, torn off by the brutal assault; slowly, carefully, she pulled forward so she could get out.
"ReeeeEEEEEEee-errrrrrrr!" moaned her car.
"Oh no!" cried Cavatica.
As she stepped out, a brave prince in a motorcycle helmet walked up to her. Her heart fluttered a little as he asked her if everything was okay. "Yes," she said, "I'm just an idiot." Though she was embarrassed, she wasn't too upset, because the prince was nice and kind of cute besides. He tried to jam her mirror back on to the side of her car, but it wouldn't stay for long; he stood there, holding it up, as Cavatica ran into the gas station to find some tape. Alas-- there was none!
Was her car doomed to be ghetto forever?
When she ran back outside, she told the nice man that she had an emergency bag and would see if she could find something. As he and his friend zoomed off into the night on their bikes, she crammed the last working peg on her mirror into its designated hole, where it stuck. "Hooray!" thought Cavatica as she climbed back into her car. With one hand holding the mirror in place, she drove to Harris Teeter, found some clear electrical tape, and patched her poor car up, resolving to tell everyone about the horrible, evil pole that had attacked them.
Later, Cavatica discovered the evil pole had also dented her door and warped it open near the top of the window. This made her sad, too.
Thankfully, her insurance would cover the $2,000 worth of damage--but she was even more sad because now they wouldn't trust her anymore, and how could she explain it wasn't her fault, but the fault of the insidious telephone pole sent by Satan?
And, too, the auto body shop couldn't get to her Focus until the Monday after she was due to be back at school, so Cavatica would have to wait until May to get it fixed, since her parents wanted her to have the work done at home. Though this didn't bother Cavatica too much, she knew her friends would laugh at her poor, taped car.
But that was okay because she'd just smother them all in their sleep.
And everyone lived happily ever after.
Except her friends.
The End.
Then, one night, Cavatica decided she wanted to go see Constantine. She was excited because, even though her friends were all doing fun stuff for Spring Break, she was home by herself and could do whatever she wanted, and it would be nice to spend exorbitant amounts of money on popcorn with enough butter to be outlawed in 12 states.
But as Cavatica got in her car, she saw that it was hungry and needed gas.
"Poor car!" she thought. "We'll never get to the movie if I don't feed you!" So off they went to the gas station.
When they got there, Cavatica saw that all of the pumps were taken up with other hungry cars-- all the pumps, that was, except for one. But it was on the wrong side of her car, and she would have to turn around and back up to it. Deftly, easily, she wheeled her Focus around to position. As she backed up, Cavatica looked over her right shoulder so that she wouldn't run into the little blue car stopped at the pump in front of the one she was trying to get to--
And suddenly, Cavatica heard an awful noise.
CRUNCHCRUNCHEEEEEECRUNCH!!
Cavatica slammed on the brakes and looked to her left. Her heart sank as she saw she had been ATTACKED by an EVIL telephone pole that had leaped up out of nowhere! Her left side-view mirror dangled pathetically by its wires, torn off by the brutal assault; slowly, carefully, she pulled forward so she could get out.
"ReeeeEEEEEEee-errrrrrrr!" moaned her car.
"Oh no!" cried Cavatica.
As she stepped out, a brave prince in a motorcycle helmet walked up to her. Her heart fluttered a little as he asked her if everything was okay. "Yes," she said, "I'm just an idiot." Though she was embarrassed, she wasn't too upset, because the prince was nice and kind of cute besides. He tried to jam her mirror back on to the side of her car, but it wouldn't stay for long; he stood there, holding it up, as Cavatica ran into the gas station to find some tape. Alas-- there was none!
Was her car doomed to be ghetto forever?
When she ran back outside, she told the nice man that she had an emergency bag and would see if she could find something. As he and his friend zoomed off into the night on their bikes, she crammed the last working peg on her mirror into its designated hole, where it stuck. "Hooray!" thought Cavatica as she climbed back into her car. With one hand holding the mirror in place, she drove to Harris Teeter, found some clear electrical tape, and patched her poor car up, resolving to tell everyone about the horrible, evil pole that had attacked them.
Later, Cavatica discovered the evil pole had also dented her door and warped it open near the top of the window. This made her sad, too.
Thankfully, her insurance would cover the $2,000 worth of damage--but she was even more sad because now they wouldn't trust her anymore, and how could she explain it wasn't her fault, but the fault of the insidious telephone pole sent by Satan?
And, too, the auto body shop couldn't get to her Focus until the Monday after she was due to be back at school, so Cavatica would have to wait until May to get it fixed, since her parents wanted her to have the work done at home. Though this didn't bother Cavatica too much, she knew her friends would laugh at her poor, taped car.
But that was okay because she'd just smother them all in their sleep.
And everyone lived happily ever after.
Except her friends.
The End.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
escottie:
i accept my lot in life, but i do have limits. if you tell me to bend over and take it like a man, we're gonna have to talk. 
wastedyears:
You are waaaaay cooler than I 
Although I did about $10000 damage to my 2003 Mazda Protege5 last year, damn near totalled it, but she is back in effect and doing strong as we speak.....Cavatica, there is hope for your steed
Although I did about $10000 damage to my 2003 Mazda Protege5 last year, damn near totalled it, but she is back in effect and doing strong as we speak.....Cavatica, there is hope for your steed