cavatica

I'm so goddamn sick of political agendas on this website. Every single news issue relevant to the U.S. political scene invariably just comes down to whether Bush is Satan or God.

You want to play the "Let's see how much we can generalize" game? Okay. I'll play.

Conservatives: You are a bunch of tunnelvisioned egotists whose wet dreams of blowing Tucker Carlson and painfully expensive educations from professors who jerk off to their own diplomas have violently massacred any lingering ability you had to be objective and rational. The fact that any intelligent person would waste so much fucking energy on blindly supporting the immoral, dogmatic, brazenly offensive agenda of a spoiled, inarticulate redneck on a crusade is disgusting and you should be ashamed of yourselves--only you won't be because you keep your consciences locked up in two-ton vaults, releasing them only secretly so that you can stare at them longingly and cry yourselves to sleep.

Liberals: You're a seething, mindless mess of whining bohemian angst as singlemindedly obsessed with finding ways to piss off the Right as the Right is with pissing off everyone else. The fact that you look for excuses for Bush to fuck up while deliberately ignoring anything worthwhile this government does is pathetically hypocritical. Our president being a douche half of us didn't vote for doesn't mean the Left automatically has the moral high ground. Martyrdom is not a good color on you. Either channel your outrage into a worthwhile assassination attempt or quit your goddamn bitching.

Americans: Quit trying to distract everyone else with, "Oh yeah? Well, well, the British have bad teeth and they hate us!" Their being orthodontically challenged doesn't negate the fact that we're all spoiled, undereducated gluttons with our hands over our heads screaming "LALALALALALALA I CANT HEAR YOU LALALA" with exactly zero room to criticize.

So shut the fuck up and eat a fucking salad for once.

Please.

Thank you.