catiedid

Caution, this journal is going to be all over the place today

I hear it in her voice. She tries so desperately to hide her pain and shield those she loves from what she faces day to day. Her strength is awe-inspiring. Her laugh touches everyone around her and causes each to smile. Her pain has the same effect. No one who knows her or loves her is unaffected by all that is her. It is her power. It is her gift. It is selfish of me to want to save her from her pain: to feel sorry for myself that I cant help her. This isnt about me, or you, or anyone touched by her life, it is all about her. It is all about her strength, and her love, and her fight. Through the heartaches of her loves, her family, her losses, and fight to get through each day, I am just grateful she has touched my life. I am grateful she is my friend. I am grateful she allows me to hold her hand, every day, through her fight and in the happiness of her life that will follow.

So, Im back in LR. I went through some horrible wind and rain in southern Illinois today. Kept me awake though. My older brother called about halfway through my journey today and asked how I was doing. He wanted to make sure I was safe and the weather wasnt too bad. His phone call really touched me. That isnt a typical thing for him to do. He also said how good it was to see me this past week and really liked hanging out. Felt really good to hear.

I stopped for lunch at some trucker rest stop just about 2 hours from LR. I was one of just a couple women in the place and I think I had the only kids. It was okay; my dad was a trucker so I didnt feel weird about it or anything. As I was cleaning up lunch a man came over to me and said, Excuse me maam, I hope you dont mind me saying you have gorgeous legs. Well, hell, I turned four shades of red, lowered my head and replied, Thank you, very much and he said, I didnt mean to embarrass you. No, not at all I replied, thank you. And I walked away. I was completely taken off guard but damn if that wasnt one of the sweetest compliments anyone has ever given me. Especially a total stranger. So lets see.hmmmm.I guess they arent so bad? Are they? *giggle*


Hysteria by Muse has got to be one of the hottest songs ever!! I want to crank up that song, full blast, and be pushed against the wall, face first, and feel a strong chest against my back, crushing me to the wall. Commanding hands running up my thighs hungry, thirsty lips on my neck, hot breath in my ear, strength, desire, raw and primal, taking me through the song. I want intensity. I want to be moved.


I need to take new pictures...

My thoughts are coming out in short bursts. Damn Im digesting a lot; feelings conversations, the past, the presentstaying away from the future. Tomorrow I make a phone call Im very nervous about. Ive been out of work for a year and where once I was completely confident about my career, today I am unsure, tomorrow I must be brilliant. Tonight I must pour over spreadsheets, creative, and fill my brain with my past life. Tomorrow I will spew it all forth in a flurry of brilliance and then perhaps I will be flying off to the City of Angelsby putting it here, Im sure Ive jinxed it. And if I havewellmy own fault. In the past year Ive found it easier to fail then to succeed. Its all about taking it a day at a time. Taking what comes as it does and dealing with it. I want this job. I crave my work. Today I prepare for tomorrow.