BLAH!!! I must apologize for the pity party I threw myself in my last journal. I feel much better after putting my rant "out there" and letting myself cool off the last few hours. Passion, in the form of anger, can be so destructive. I'm trying, although unsuccessfully, to control my anger. Funny, some situations where anger seems to be the logical reaction, I cry and feel sad and beat myself up. While other situations, that really "aren't that bad," I completely lose control. I just want off the rollercoaster. Everytime I think I have walked beyond the past and I feel a bit 'o happiness, the past comes and tries really hard to destroy the progress I've made. Well, I've made too much progress to let some pathetic tantrum antics cause me to take two steps back.
I'm back from my week in Indiana. Back to the warmth and sunshine of Little Rock. It was 80 today! I spent the day playing in my garden and going from nursery to nursery in search of the "perfect" Weeping Cherry and unique varieties of Lilacs. Not successful today, I'll have to try again tomorrow.
Here's a picture I took while home. I took it for no other reason than I felt like it. And that is a damn good reason.
to all my friends, 'cause flirting is something I am really good at!!! 
I'm back from my week in Indiana. Back to the warmth and sunshine of Little Rock. It was 80 today! I spent the day playing in my garden and going from nursery to nursery in search of the "perfect" Weeping Cherry and unique varieties of Lilacs. Not successful today, I'll have to try again tomorrow.
Here's a picture I took while home. I took it for no other reason than I felt like it. And that is a damn good reason.
to all my friends, 'cause flirting is something I am really good at!!!
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Reading your journal, I am struck by how well you have articulated so many things that I myself have been grappling with as of late. My inability to deal with strong emotions (passion, anger, fear), often translates into some very self-destructive, self-defeating behavior. Your statement: "...some situations where anger seems to be the logical reaction, I cry and feel sad and beat myself up. While other situations, that really "aren't that bad," I completely lose control" absolutely hits home for me. And how the destructive ghosts of the past resurface just at that crucial moment when one feels as if one has reached some point of happiness and self-acceptance.
Oh, how I can relate, my sweet friend!
Rant away any time, babe. It is therapeutic and necessary.
Bete
PS: I adore your new pics. Your inner beauty is SO very evident. (And they are DAMN hot, too!)
[Edited on Apr 05, 2005 8:20AM]