A voice from my past came in the form of an email today: a voice with incredible insight into who I am. A voice that seems to have the answers I have been desperately seeking. I havent spoken to this person in over a year. Yet, all it took was an email from me, not more than 2 small paragraphs long, and he knew what I needed: my mentor, my teacher, and always my friend. Life handed me a gift today. Here is a piece of the gift that I would like to share with you:
If you are serious about trying to live with the woman I created, then begin by acknowledging that you created her, too; and that I was, among many other things, the fertilizing influence you were seeking. (I understand, incidentally, how great a disruption in your life my influence was.) You will never resolve the war between your "old" self and your "new" self; they are forever linked, like shadow and light. Just keep re-aligning them. The really urgent thing, for you, is not to be lazy about your essence: you were awakened, my darling, and with awakenings come responsibilities. I know you don't much like responsibilities, but this one, unlike all the other ones, is not a challenge to your freedom, it is the condition of your freedom. So don't be lazy, as I say, and don't rebel in the name of some idealized sentiment about your youth. You were always more interesting as a woman than as a girl. Above all find a way to get outside of yourself, a cause or a commitment that you will pursue and never dishonor, not because it is an expression of your feelings but because it is bigger & more significant than your feelings. (Such a cause or commitment is not, I hasten to add, a man. That comes too easily for you, & goes too easily, too.) You have a great gift for feeling -- so stop feeling, start thinking and doing.
It is now my time to think and do. Ive been lazy far too long which has caused me to suffer. I have been walking in place through the past several months, perhaps years. I will now begin moving forward.
Thank you
edited to add: I am headed to Dallas for the weekend to go shopping. I hope you all have a great weekend
If you are serious about trying to live with the woman I created, then begin by acknowledging that you created her, too; and that I was, among many other things, the fertilizing influence you were seeking. (I understand, incidentally, how great a disruption in your life my influence was.) You will never resolve the war between your "old" self and your "new" self; they are forever linked, like shadow and light. Just keep re-aligning them. The really urgent thing, for you, is not to be lazy about your essence: you were awakened, my darling, and with awakenings come responsibilities. I know you don't much like responsibilities, but this one, unlike all the other ones, is not a challenge to your freedom, it is the condition of your freedom. So don't be lazy, as I say, and don't rebel in the name of some idealized sentiment about your youth. You were always more interesting as a woman than as a girl. Above all find a way to get outside of yourself, a cause or a commitment that you will pursue and never dishonor, not because it is an expression of your feelings but because it is bigger & more significant than your feelings. (Such a cause or commitment is not, I hasten to add, a man. That comes too easily for you, & goes too easily, too.) You have a great gift for feeling -- so stop feeling, start thinking and doing.
It is now my time to think and do. Ive been lazy far too long which has caused me to suffer. I have been walking in place through the past several months, perhaps years. I will now begin moving forward.
Thank you
edited to add: I am headed to Dallas for the weekend to go shopping. I hope you all have a great weekend
VIEW 23 of 23 COMMENTS
crushjunkie:
Hello. How have you been? 
siqkat:
Thank you. I think you may have helped me too. How was Dallas??
How was Dallas??