catherine27

had a talk with a male friend yesterday about relationships, sex and life in general as it pertains to finding someone and keeping them around. smart people know that relationships are work and i am often too selfish to put up with a partner's bullshit, although i am loyal to friends almost to a fault. interesting. i guess because the guy i'm dating represents something extremely long-term and someone whom i'd have to put up with EVERY DAY for the REST OF MY LIFE. not that that scares me or anything. i don't like compromise much; nobody walks away satisfied. now with the friends- with- benefits situation, as fragile and precarious as it may be, both parties arrive wanting sexual gratification and with any luck, both leave satisfied, free once again to do as they wish. sadly, i've experienced such a situation that eventually devolved. we were friends first, watching movies and talking til 3 am about life. then the benefits started and we were fine with no-strings-attatched, safe sex. over time, the "friend" began to only call upon me when he was depressed or drunk. needless to say i have no interest in feeling like a walking blow-up doll. he still texts occasionally, and i know he's just looking for a hook-up. i now know that 'friends-with-benefits' was a misnomer, with him, at least.i wasn't looking for a best friend or anything but respect as a human being would have been nice. and may i add, drunken, depressed sex is not satisfying for me. not when i'm sober and fairly content with my life, anyway. i found out later from a close friend of his there were other girls experiencing the same thing by this same guy simaltaneously. one of them a close friend of mine. from a health stand point alone i was pissed. he put me at risk by not telling me about it so i could get tested not to mention the fact that i had asked him to tell me if he wanted to sleep with others.

so yeah, i'm good with being alone for a while longer. people suck. fuck diamonds, vibrators are a girls' best friend.