cathedra

Well I just finished cleaning up from a lovely evening. It was my parent's 28th wedding anniversary today and I invited them over for a big dinner with my brother. I woke up at 8:15 and hit the ground running. I think I sat down maybe 10 minutes all day. But it was worth it, they had a great time, even my bro had fun. I think it's so much cooler when you can have real honest fun as a family instead of forced smiles and just buying people junk they don't need anyway.

Yesterday I went to a dinner/drinks type thing after work with some people from the biz. They are mostly webmasters around my age, and it was a really relax atmosphere, no real biz being done. Two of the webmasters were visiting from France and so their mission was to get us all drunk. Here are some of the pics from the night that one of the guys took. Im pretty hard to miss being as I'm the only girl in the group, and oddly enough Im in quite a few of the photos. Personally these sooo don't flatter me, and just make me feel that I have sooo far to go in this weight loss thing. I look very mushy and cushy in a lot of the pics (in my opinion). Anyways the French dude with the black top and jeans got quite a bit tipsy towards a part of the evening and got very rough with me. Manhandling me, and being really forcefull in pulling me towards him for kisses or playful grabs. At one point I don't know if it was the vodka, the heat, my aggresive ego or what but I had just had enough and when I started telling him to stop he got REALLY rough and held my hands behind my back. At which point my freak-out defensive side woke up and I started hitting really hard anything on him I could. He continued despite my voice getting less giddy and more pissed off, and what do you know, my rage came out for the first time in public. It scared the hell out of me when I heard "the voice" come out of my mouth because I loose control when I go into rage mode and it even scares me. Well I told him to sit the fuck down and he didn't after me yelling like a drill seargent 2 inches from his face so I pushed him with all my force into a group of chairs near us. Well he got the fucking message. I stopped, took a deep breath and told him I need to go get some air because i was really upset. And think! I had only met this guy a couple of hours ago..and this? Man..anyways I did have a good time, we drank a lot, we went to a strip club, but then when i got up to leave the strip club after amost falling asleep there I go to kiss him goodbye on the cheek and he wants to give me a kiss on the lips as an apology (cuz he's buddy buddy like that) and I decide it's ok since im prolly never gonna see this guy again and the fucker shoves his entire tongue into my mouth. And I emphasize the word SHOVES. He pushed my head towards his with his hand behind my head. Well everyone in the fucking strip club is seeing this includingt he group that just saw me pull a fantastic fit previously that night. So I decide, girl...don't give him what he wants, don't make a scene. So I pretend to grab the back of his head as if Im going in for passionate kiss back, everyone around thinks ah ok normal kiss and I say Ciao..

I get a knot in my stomach thinking about that evening for many reasons. The way I looked, not exactly at my most flattering with hair in pony tail, barely any makeup, sleeveless top (featuring the fatty biceps and chunky mid-drift). The way I acted, since I was kinda goofy with some of the guys I knew well, posing for a kiss with one of the guys ive know since I started in the biz, etc. Also the rage episode, wondering how the group percieved me, did I look like an angry cow beating up a short frenchman? Yeah..anyways, here is the link to the pics, yet another piece of my life that I don't know what to file under. Enjoy. http://www.spidmail.net/gal/folder/9juillet2004