cathedra

Well I'm all moved in to my new place. By the miracle of my brother's laptop at my parent's house I can update my journal for you. My phone was finally connected yesterday, and today we went down to get the last items from my old tiny apartment. I took one last look at the first place that I called home after my parents house. I gave the keys to the girl who's moving in and so was the end of that chapter. I feel nervous and strange since Ive been in my new place. Its mostly that im not at home there yet, but I know it will take a little time. I LOVE my apartment, it's lovely, but there are still a few things that need to be done, like hanging some frames and lights, but just minor stuff.

Little things have been going wrong that are keeping me from really relaxing, like my brand new washer loosing transmission oil when I do a load of laundry. Not a good sign. Getting a letter from the government that my license is not paid, when I paid it over a month ago!? Hearing that the gift card I bought my dad at FutureShop didn't work!? Going to meet a guy tomorrow that Im afraid will end like "THE GUY" that I just went through the heart wrenching ordeal with. I don't want that to happen again, but at the same time I don't want to block this guy IN CASE. Though I feel naive for thinking that he may be different and part of me keeps wanting me to call and cancel out meeting tomorrow. *sigh* I think i'm gonna go home, light some incense, listen to some Portishead, and TRY to relax.

I should mention this too while I AM on a computer because i'd like your feedback. The guy im going to meet tomorrow mentioned that if I was shy about meeting him and his friends that I should bring a girlfriend with me. I thought about it for a second and realised that I have no girlfriends. I know how much of a looser this makes me sound like, but it's true. It's really true, I have no female friends. Honestly 90% of my friends are guys. Why is that? Because I get along better with guys? And then I started to analyse all my guy friends? They are all either guys I have slept with, want to sleep with, or they want to sleep with me. This isn't good. Well the first category isn't that vast, which is better. But gezus...what the hell have I become? I don't have any friends! My neighbor is a friend I guess, but are we just friends by convenience? She isn't someone I identify with. I need frends, sadly. I have many people I consider friends on here, but it's not the same. Oh well I know one of my new years resolutions was to spend more time with my friends, but I realised now that it really should be invested in building normal friendships. Man i'm a confused gal..*sigh* And then I think that I want to try having a girlfriend too. But I would have so many hangups, like she can't be butch, she must be very feminine, be discreet about her bisexuality (yea bi, not just gay) and not get mad at me if I don't want to tell my parents about being bi. I want someone I feel comfortable with, that I feel won't judge me, and that we can share feelings. Someone who is like me physically too (size wise). Man ok i'll shut up now...if you read the whole journal give yourself a big Cathedra hug and kiss yourself somewhere non sexual. thanks babe.