Sunday Mar 07, 2004 by Catatonicreature

My mother died the moment I was born, and so for my whole life there was nothing standing between myself and eternity; at my back was always a bleak, black wind. I could not have known at the beginning of my life that this would be so; I only came to know this in the middle of my life, just at the time i realized I was no longer young and realized I had less of some of the things I used to have in abundance and more of some of the things I scarecely had at all. And this realization of loss and gain made me look backward and foreward: at the beggining was this woman whose face I had never seen, but at my end was nothing, no one between me and the black room of the world. I came to feel that for my whole life I had been standing on a precipice, that my loss had made me vulnerable, hard and helpless; on knowing this i became ovewhelmed with sadness and shame and pity for myself.
JAMAICA KINCAID

After reading this recently I came to the conclusion that i dwell far too much on things in my past I had no control over and even those things i did and wasn't sure what to do with the control. I know i have made many bad and many good decisions and those definately were influenced by things that occured in earlier years but now that i think about things very indepth I realise that all the things I wish gone from my past influence the GOOD things and the accomplishments I am most proud of now. I dont really know where I;m going with this but I have alot of thinking to do on this matter so ill leave you all with this...

"we can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when adults are afraid of the light."
Plato

Luv Cat

In further news I was offered a management postion for my job which will pretty much give me my own store to run. This has me very excited. The world of Cat is sharply becoming more vivid these days