Ohhhmyfucking god I'm so goddamned frustrated right now.
My friend's birthday is tomorrow, and I'd like to give him a present. The catch is he's so....I don't even know how to put it... so different, it's nigh impossible to go to the store and pick out...something. I hate doing that anyway. I hate forced gift shopping. So I had this brilliant plan to paint him some marvelous thing today. And tonight, and tomorrow, until it's done. So I start with a blank brain: no ideas at all, immediately start sketching things onto and old and poorly built canvas in this rad old-third-world frame.
Long story short I have this amazing design all done up an this canvas and I have no idea how to paint it. Basically I worked backwards in my head, and essentially the canvas and frame need to be torn apart, padded, restretched and put back. It also needs gesso and it's all intricate so I have to paint in layers and basically I'm just an asshole because I thought I could do it all by tomorrow night. So now I have to go find him something else.
Also, I have no energy, I don't like anything today and I want to devour EVERYTHING I see, which, on a day like today when I am feeling SUPER self-loathing, is not good. I feel unwanted but like I'm being let down easy, which I'm thankful for because I know I'm bringing NOTHING to the table as of late. I'm skating by and hoping no one notices. What the fuck is wrong here?
Hate hate hate.
Kill
Kill
Kill
My friend's birthday is tomorrow, and I'd like to give him a present. The catch is he's so....I don't even know how to put it... so different, it's nigh impossible to go to the store and pick out...something. I hate doing that anyway. I hate forced gift shopping. So I had this brilliant plan to paint him some marvelous thing today. And tonight, and tomorrow, until it's done. So I start with a blank brain: no ideas at all, immediately start sketching things onto and old and poorly built canvas in this rad old-third-world frame.
Long story short I have this amazing design all done up an this canvas and I have no idea how to paint it. Basically I worked backwards in my head, and essentially the canvas and frame need to be torn apart, padded, restretched and put back. It also needs gesso and it's all intricate so I have to paint in layers and basically I'm just an asshole because I thought I could do it all by tomorrow night. So now I have to go find him something else.
Also, I have no energy, I don't like anything today and I want to devour EVERYTHING I see, which, on a day like today when I am feeling SUPER self-loathing, is not good. I feel unwanted but like I'm being let down easy, which I'm thankful for because I know I'm bringing NOTHING to the table as of late. I'm skating by and hoping no one notices. What the fuck is wrong here?
Hate hate hate.
Kill
Kill
Kill