HELP PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!
So I got a job offer: move back to Sand Diego and nanny for a family who I alredy really like. But I've been arguing with myself for two days. Please, if you happen upon this entry, please leave your 2 cents. I'm getting mixed feelings from EVERYONE, including myself. We argue a lot up here in my brain.
To go or to stay: Oregon vs. San Diego
It's SAN DIEGO. You LOVE San Diego. You'd live rent free in San Diego for a year. All you have to do is take care of a baby all day. Every day. Day in, day out. You'd live in North County. You HATE North County. You can't take your cat. You'd miss Moose SOOO badly. You'd get $1200 a month. You can't smoke weed at home. You'd risk your job and personal humiliation just by taking paraphenaila with you. It isn't your home. You could never fully relax unless everyone's gone. You're treading the fine line of being friends or being hired help. You'd have to surpress your natural weirdness. You may even have to hide your art. You couldn't get a the puppy you're waiting ever so patiently for. But if you stayed here, you couldn't have a puppy here, either. You'd have to work more for the same money here. Or at the very least do something you don't like or is new and uncertain. You haven't given Portland anywhere near 100%. You could go to school at Cal State San Marcos. Which would put you even further from where you like to hang out. Who has to tend to the kids when mom's tired and dad's not home and the kids are screamin'? How the hell do you keep the eldest out of your room without being a bitch? How do you be your asocial self? How do you get peace and quiet? You can go to the beach on the weekends. You can do homework during the day. You'd learn about babies. Possibly through trial and error, which is not good. You don't have to get used to a new situation or new bosses. You don't have a social life, you're a mom. Which is cool, unless you figure out you really don't like it and are then stuck doing it anyway. For a YEAR. No visitors. You'd have to go to a motel to get laid which gets expensive. You wouldn't have to change your driver's license. You could work with the band. You'd live out of a suitacase. You'd like that. But not for a year. You don't really get sick days. It doesn't matter if you don't want to deal with children any given day. You'd probably lose weight. You'd be more active, even though you don't really like that shit. They'd probably let you bring the frogs. You'd have to give up your room when their guests come and sleep on the couch, which sucks ass. At least you HAVE friends in San Diego. They'd be more accessible than they are now, even if you did only see them on the weekends. You like the family. They're really really nice, good people. But they don't know half of you. You'd have to leave your suicidegirls calendar at home! You'd have to mind your manners and your mouth...no more drinkin' an' fuckin' an' cussin' like a sailor. When it gets down deep, you and the family have pretty much the same beliefs and morals when it comes to what you think is important about being a kid and raising a kid. She'd be like a little friend. Or a puppy. That goes everywhere I go and I have to attend to constantly.
I just don't know.
*sigh*
but at the same time,
So I got a job offer: move back to Sand Diego and nanny for a family who I alredy really like. But I've been arguing with myself for two days. Please, if you happen upon this entry, please leave your 2 cents. I'm getting mixed feelings from EVERYONE, including myself. We argue a lot up here in my brain.
To go or to stay: Oregon vs. San Diego
It's SAN DIEGO. You LOVE San Diego. You'd live rent free in San Diego for a year. All you have to do is take care of a baby all day. Every day. Day in, day out. You'd live in North County. You HATE North County. You can't take your cat. You'd miss Moose SOOO badly. You'd get $1200 a month. You can't smoke weed at home. You'd risk your job and personal humiliation just by taking paraphenaila with you. It isn't your home. You could never fully relax unless everyone's gone. You're treading the fine line of being friends or being hired help. You'd have to surpress your natural weirdness. You may even have to hide your art. You couldn't get a the puppy you're waiting ever so patiently for. But if you stayed here, you couldn't have a puppy here, either. You'd have to work more for the same money here. Or at the very least do something you don't like or is new and uncertain. You haven't given Portland anywhere near 100%. You could go to school at Cal State San Marcos. Which would put you even further from where you like to hang out. Who has to tend to the kids when mom's tired and dad's not home and the kids are screamin'? How the hell do you keep the eldest out of your room without being a bitch? How do you be your asocial self? How do you get peace and quiet? You can go to the beach on the weekends. You can do homework during the day. You'd learn about babies. Possibly through trial and error, which is not good. You don't have to get used to a new situation or new bosses. You don't have a social life, you're a mom. Which is cool, unless you figure out you really don't like it and are then stuck doing it anyway. For a YEAR. No visitors. You'd have to go to a motel to get laid which gets expensive. You wouldn't have to change your driver's license. You could work with the band. You'd live out of a suitacase. You'd like that. But not for a year. You don't really get sick days. It doesn't matter if you don't want to deal with children any given day. You'd probably lose weight. You'd be more active, even though you don't really like that shit. They'd probably let you bring the frogs. You'd have to give up your room when their guests come and sleep on the couch, which sucks ass. At least you HAVE friends in San Diego. They'd be more accessible than they are now, even if you did only see them on the weekends. You like the family. They're really really nice, good people. But they don't know half of you. You'd have to leave your suicidegirls calendar at home! You'd have to mind your manners and your mouth...no more drinkin' an' fuckin' an' cussin' like a sailor. When it gets down deep, you and the family have pretty much the same beliefs and morals when it comes to what you think is important about being a kid and raising a kid. She'd be like a little friend. Or a puppy. That goes everywhere I go and I have to attend to constantly.
I just don't know.
*sigh*
but at the same time,