catagogogo

So, I went out to Santa Rosa last night to finish up with my old
apartment out there. Jay was kind enough to bring me an air mattress
(with a leak!) and blankets and stuff to me. So I returned them to him
and he's working tonight, so I've been hanging out at the firehouse.
They got a call, so I'm riding along, and its weird, but interesting.
There's a really old lady (84) they're transporting from the hospital
back to the nursing home. Its sad, to see it. Reminds me of when my
grandma Bessie was in the nursing home. I feel bad, because I can't
stand being around old or sick people, because it makes me feel
helpless. And I hate feeling helpless, especialy around the elderly or
sick, or the people I really care about. Its funny, to see jay at work,
he's so sweet to the lady, even though she has dementia. She's crying
out, and doesn't really know what's going on. Its sad. But I can see why
he does what he does for a living. I couldn't do it, I'm not a strong
enough person. I admit it. I don't think it means I'm not a good person
- maybe its more that I don't like reality and mortality and facing
those things any more than I have to.

On a less emotional and philosophical note, the ambulance has really
crappy shocks, and my bladder is DYING