cassy

i feel so bad for so many people. i guess i look at other people's relationships and honestly for the most part it's hard.
i look at my brother and his wife, 3 kids, amazing kids, and they just don't really "like" each other or really have anything in common. that relationship is as broken as it was when they first got together out of the desperate need to feel connected to someone else. they are 2 of the most insecure people i've ever met, and they actually are raising all 3 kids to be just as insecure. i hope that i can be a positive role model to those kids. i hope i can teach them to be strong, and be a good influence, all the while spoiling them. isn't it always so easy to say? i dunno if it is or not.

then i look at my parents. married for a very long time, and with my dad retired, not really getting along. my mom, alcoholic in denial. my dad, the guy that cheated on her years ago, that she still won't forgive him for, and continues to drink to cover up all her insecurities and unhappiness in life. wow i do have a convoluted family don't i? and then there's me. the one least likely . the one with the man that she loves more than she ever thought she could, but he's in ohio, and she's in CA. ugh.

sometimes i pull strength from watching the turmoil, it gives me the sanity to believe even more in the relationship that josh and i have. i believe in the power of our love, and the fact that we aren't like the rest of my family. we're not together out of obligation, or necessity. we just love each other. we have tons in common, and actually enjoy being around each other. we love having sex, and find it an important part of the language of our love even to this day after being together 4 years. sure it's a bit diff because we live apart, but does this make sense where i'm going with this? i'm greatful for my sweetheart, and the relationship we have, and the fact that we relate to each other...unlike my family.

i really miss josh tonight.
i hope he calls in the am.
<3
Cass