cassiopeia

What do you think? Do you think the night is the worse part of this? Is this why I stay up so late, so I won't remember that my bed used to have you in it? I have to sleep sometime. When I do I remember you holding me as if you never wanted to let go. When I wake, I look for your face. I have to tell myself that you're still close by, yet too far for my comfort.

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Am I declining your friendship? Yes. Why, you ask? Because you're depressing. How am I depressing, you will say. Just look at what you write, I will retort. Granted that you went through your first "break up", but it has always been like this. You'll ask how it has always been this way. I will remind you of the constant I'm ugly's, I don't have any friends's, what if I was hit by a semi's, and I have to take medication's. By this time you will be upset. And I'm sorry for that. Get a new perspective. Realize things aren't that bad. Stop being so dramatic. Reflect on the kind of person you are and the kind of person you want to be. And also, I'm sorry about Butt. I understand the hurt and it does get better. Trust that from a person who's been through it many times before.

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I am calling a photographer tomorrow. Hopefully she will agree to taking my set. I also hope that someday I will get to go to Texas and have Lithium Picnic take a set of me. His work is absolutly amazing.

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My birthday is in 17 days. I will be 20. The big 2-0. One year away from getting shitfaced... wait, no, I do that now. You can send gifts to my address, which I will give upon request. If you request a address and I do not receive a gift from you then I will put a curse on your eternal soul. If you do not want to bother with the awesome mail system we have here, then you can send me money via Paypal. Thank you.

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Did you know that when I was little (around 5-6), I used to have sex dreams. Well, dreams where I would masturbate. In my dream I would make myself orgasm and in real life I would pee the bed. My mom couldn't figure out why I peed the bed at my age. I knew why, but didn't know how to tell her. I fixed it though. I started masturbating before I went to bed around that age to avoid the dreams. It worked. I think I was the youngest girl to try masturbation. I should call up the Guiness Book of World Records.

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If you thought that last thing was gross then I'm sorry. I just thought it was interesting. If anyone has any equally embarrassing stories I'd love to hear them. I'd make me feel better. Just don't get mad when I make fun of you.

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EDITED TO SAY: My boyfriend and I did not break up. We were living together for a month and a half... where we would sleep in the same bed. Now that we moved back to Ohio, we're staying with our parents until we get moneys. Just thought I'd clear that up. Sorry about the confusion.