With only a few more pages left in "Still Life with Woodpecker" to read, I must ask all of you what your thoughts on this question: "How do you make love stay?"
As of now I have a theme for my next set. And I'm loving it. Now I just need to find the time to take the pictures.
Today was/is an extra melancholy day. I cut myself open and ripped everything out of me for him to see. Things that I thought no one would ever see. I've always had a sort of pride with my secrets. Knowing there are things about me no one will know. But now he does. He knows the thing that swims through my head everyday. Yes, I believed letting it known would somehow help me forget and forgive. But it's still there.
No funny little jokes. Or sayings to brighten this one up. I guess I should have warned you sooner.
I decided I'm going to escape from my job. The one I was excited about getting. I need to create. Write. Paint. Learn. I need to push myself. I need to feel like I'm making something of myself. So I'm going to go back to college. To create. Write. Paint. And learn. Just thinking about it makes me feel very excited.
Except I'm a bit anxious to go back to work this week for reasons that should be left unsaid. Let's just say I've always knew you were a weak person and soon you will know how much stronger I actually am than you.
Is that wrong to feel a bit of pleasure from seeing other's fail? Other people who always thought they had it bad but actually have no idea how good they have it. They don't understand what the word hardship means. Or hardwork. If something wrong happens to them it's always God's fault. God hates you. It's never your fault. You didn't decide this fate. Well all I have to say to you is grow up. Take responsiblity for once. Please.
This journal is so encoded with things I don't even know why I'm even writing it. None of you have any clue what I'm talking about. And I'm sorry for that. Next journal will be the happy ones you've grown to love. Promise.
As of now I have a theme for my next set. And I'm loving it. Now I just need to find the time to take the pictures.
Today was/is an extra melancholy day. I cut myself open and ripped everything out of me for him to see. Things that I thought no one would ever see. I've always had a sort of pride with my secrets. Knowing there are things about me no one will know. But now he does. He knows the thing that swims through my head everyday. Yes, I believed letting it known would somehow help me forget and forgive. But it's still there.
No funny little jokes. Or sayings to brighten this one up. I guess I should have warned you sooner.
I decided I'm going to escape from my job. The one I was excited about getting. I need to create. Write. Paint. Learn. I need to push myself. I need to feel like I'm making something of myself. So I'm going to go back to college. To create. Write. Paint. And learn. Just thinking about it makes me feel very excited.
Except I'm a bit anxious to go back to work this week for reasons that should be left unsaid. Let's just say I've always knew you were a weak person and soon you will know how much stronger I actually am than you.
Is that wrong to feel a bit of pleasure from seeing other's fail? Other people who always thought they had it bad but actually have no idea how good they have it. They don't understand what the word hardship means. Or hardwork. If something wrong happens to them it's always God's fault. God hates you. It's never your fault. You didn't decide this fate. Well all I have to say to you is grow up. Take responsiblity for once. Please.
This journal is so encoded with things I don't even know why I'm even writing it. None of you have any clue what I'm talking about. And I'm sorry for that. Next journal will be the happy ones you've grown to love. Promise.
VIEW 22 of 22 COMMENTS
While I don't know the specific details of what's going on in your entry, I do know that it sounds a lot like mine did last year in the months before I up and moved out to California.
[Edited on Feb 10, 2006 10:13PM]