casper

okay. lets talk. again


so lets all get acquainted.

today i went to a park, walked around listened to birdies, and sat in a tunnel. it was quiet. nice. i needed that.


got tested for all those yummy diseases floating around, fuck man, they took three full vials of blood, i felt dizzy as shit when i got up, and the bitch didnt even let me sit for a minute "thank you, have a nice day" dude, im like about 100lbs, technically i dont weigh enough to donate blood, and here youre kicking me out?


went to the gyno too, my lady was a pregnant russian, i respect doctors a lot, and she was really good, and professional and shit.

i know i dont have anything, fuck man, i was practically married for four years, so if i have anything i will know exactly where it came from...

im sure no one is reading this, but if you are, hey way to go. thats dedication. how does my ass look haha. hmm oh yeah , so the chick who stabbed me with the needle, i watched her like a hawk, she was quick, but damn i felt all retarded and stumbly and cold, staggering to my car like a blind drunk. sat in it for ten minutes before i drove, cuz, duh.

eh.


i realized today that my whole life i had a home and i took it for granted, because the situation i am in right now i wouldnt wish on almost anyone.

real eye-opening.

there are so many people that i have distanced myself from for the last year. not because i didnt want them around, but because i didnt like the person i was turning into.

im sorry you guys. i need you now.


fuck money, i hate it and i hate having to budget it and worry about it, ive never been frivolous, but this is fucking dumb, worrying about paying for school, insurance, a hole in the wall to live, food. i mostly hate paying for food, because it is so temporary.

everything in life is temporary. the sooner you learn that the sooner you can come to grips with lifes shit.


i hate worrying about being someones victim. being a chick is tough.

i hate worrying about you shana. you deserve better, and if i could id give you everything you could ever want. i promise someday it will be all over.

i hate being told im fucking up my life, when i know that i want better, and will have it too, but its gonna be hard.

i hate stupid women who disgrace their own sex, you traitor bitches, you dont know what respect is do you? how can you let men use you for you pussy?



i love my life, but i hate others who try to steal my happiness.








eh.





i need to stop drinking. been saying that for years now.




eh.




doshie, i need to see you and hang out with you, we used to have so much fun, what the fuck, lets not take it seriously, just go run around again...


i hate it when a certain person tells me that i push people away, i really dont, i just cant explain things.

for the first time in my life i have to deal with more than i can imagine, but im not even scared. amazing.

cross all your fingers for me k?




uh oh im starting to get philosophical, time to end it.

i have work tomorrow.


cant give some old foagie the wrong pills or im in deep doo doo.
deeper doo than already.



love, casper