Seated in the cafe, and I hate everyone.
I hate the uppity West Hills couple that is sitting with their legs together, peeking back at the loner girl with her sunglasses on. I hate that I have sunglasses on inside, although I am near to the open window. I hate that two shots of tequila equals an aching neck, despite the age of 27.
I hate the well-kempt mother, rhinestoned-loose top over delicately hung jeans, wedge sandals and highlighted hair. I hate her because she is holding her older boyfriend's hand, while the daughter who hasn't yet approached puberty is shuffling far behind them. Daughter has a neon, ill-fitted t shirt and cheap sneakers. Maybe she wanted to wear them, but maybe mommy cares more for her own attire instead.
I hate the guy in the tiny beige Corolla, he needs his five friends to help him parallel park on the quiet street, adjacent to us all.
I hate that Jack White is whining on the speakers.
I love that I have green tea, maintaining it's heat in this well-insulated mug.
I love that I will walk to the corporately owned, faux-health store to buy supposedly organic ingredients for my daughter's birthday cake.
I love that she is two tomorrow.
I love that The Clash is now playing.
I love that my husband visited me at work last night, and I felt unusually territorial and proud, because I looked among my beloved co-strippers, and knew which ones he had fucked, and how they had wide-eyed thanked me for the experience.
I love open marriages.
I love the men in my life. I sat with Male Friend in the car last night, after work. We hadn't spoken in a week, and I was feeling those effects.
"I'm not going to be dramatic about this. We both know a lot of people. But I only care about a few of them. I really care about you."
*He wiped my face*
"Relationships don't usually last very long, and they don't end well, most of 'em. But friends can exists for years. A whole lifetime. And that's what I want. I don't want you to be my boyfriend. I want you to be my friend."
And he told me he loved me, and I told him I loved him, and hated him. And we laughed.
And I drove home to the Husband asleep, and I felt complete.
And again, I love everything.
There's a dad pushing a stroller, and this new couple has replaced the West Hills couple, and they sit relaxed and smiling, content to examine their surroundings in quiet.
I guess things aren't so bad, after all.
Love,
Casper-Elle
