cashmir

I never thought I would have to go through this kind of hurt again. But I guess I was wrong.

Last year around this time when Ben and I broke up I was a fucking mess. Didn't eat, all I did was sleep, fell off the face of the earth, and almost tried to kill myself several times. If it weren't for my really good friend Adam who pretty much took care of me and fed me and called me every day, I would probably be dead of have had to be committed.

So guess what, just when I thought things were ok and he was just having issues with adjusting for deployment I got home today and signed on to facebook and see "Benjamin M ****** is now in a relationship". WHAT THE FUCK? I just lost it. Seriously. I don't even know what to think or do or act. I just cried for like an hour straight and I keep crying. How the hell did this happen? Was he lying to me? What is this? I'm dying. My chest hurts. I never thought I would ever have to go through this again. I thought I was supposed to have a nice long relationship with the guy. He had even talked about me moving down there or him moving up here and all kinds of future plans.
I have so many questions. I'm hurting so much right now. I can barely breathe. I don't want to move from my bed for days. Someone please just hug me and never let go and tell me it will be ok.
It will be ok
It will be ok
It will be ok
It will be ok.




I feel like I'll never be loved. I've never loved anyone as much as I love this guy. What do I do now?