This is an answer to a blog post made by Morrigan, which I tried to post the other day but was foiled by my computer gaaking...it's not particularly complimentary, but it's true, or at least honest...
So...you are absolutely right; and I am as guilty as any other lesbian. I don't like it, but that doesn't magically change my immediate reaction to a woman saying/writing "I'm bisexual"; and that is "ah, a straight girl who likes to play with girls"---or even worse, "ah, looking to gather the boys 'round by paying to their stupid fantasies about what lesbians do".
Nice huh? Of course the Official Position now is that Lesbians Are Inclusive, but one of the weaknesses of post-modern feminism is its willingness to accept cant for truth because it is easier (we shouldn't be dismissive of another woman's sexual self, therefore, we are not).
Yes, it would be nice if my measured reaction---wow, that must have been difficult some times---would replace my immediate resentment (which is what it seems like to me), but pretending does not change anything; facing it, admitting it, and most of all, not acting on it, seems to me to be the way to defeat prejudice (and it is a prejudice). That way, we don't pass it on---so that my daughters don't think anything much one way or another if they have friends who are bisexual, or queer, or straight, except to recognize how the dominant culture treats them differently (not that they would use "dominant culture", mind).
What bugs me is that even thought I know better, I still feel that "bisexual" women (who don't need fucking quotes, caryn) are really straight women who will, sooner or later, go back to being with men. That's why I believe my reaction is resentment---as if by being able to be with men(what the fuck is that?), they are some how not as isolated and marginalized as queer women. So to make up for it, lesbians, who ought to understand how it feels to have a major portion of your self constantly denigrated---pervert, deviant, predator---do the same shit, different lyrics, to bisexual women (faker, slag, conflicted).
Also, I expect bisexual women to automatically take up men's point-of-view; which is ridiculous, of course; I feel this is another way of viewing bisexual women as straight women, rather than as people whose sexuality is more complicated than that (or perhaps it's less complicated than that?). What an important dialog to have, and instead we worry about what we should feel rather than what we do feel, and so get nowhere.
On the plus side, this is definitely the place to have that discourse.
So...you are absolutely right; and I am as guilty as any other lesbian. I don't like it, but that doesn't magically change my immediate reaction to a woman saying/writing "I'm bisexual"; and that is "ah, a straight girl who likes to play with girls"---or even worse, "ah, looking to gather the boys 'round by paying to their stupid fantasies about what lesbians do".
Nice huh? Of course the Official Position now is that Lesbians Are Inclusive, but one of the weaknesses of post-modern feminism is its willingness to accept cant for truth because it is easier (we shouldn't be dismissive of another woman's sexual self, therefore, we are not).
Yes, it would be nice if my measured reaction---wow, that must have been difficult some times---would replace my immediate resentment (which is what it seems like to me), but pretending does not change anything; facing it, admitting it, and most of all, not acting on it, seems to me to be the way to defeat prejudice (and it is a prejudice). That way, we don't pass it on---so that my daughters don't think anything much one way or another if they have friends who are bisexual, or queer, or straight, except to recognize how the dominant culture treats them differently (not that they would use "dominant culture", mind).
What bugs me is that even thought I know better, I still feel that "bisexual" women (who don't need fucking quotes, caryn) are really straight women who will, sooner or later, go back to being with men. That's why I believe my reaction is resentment---as if by being able to be with men(what the fuck is that?), they are some how not as isolated and marginalized as queer women. So to make up for it, lesbians, who ought to understand how it feels to have a major portion of your self constantly denigrated---pervert, deviant, predator---do the same shit, different lyrics, to bisexual women (faker, slag, conflicted).
Also, I expect bisexual women to automatically take up men's point-of-view; which is ridiculous, of course; I feel this is another way of viewing bisexual women as straight women, rather than as people whose sexuality is more complicated than that (or perhaps it's less complicated than that?). What an important dialog to have, and instead we worry about what we should feel rather than what we do feel, and so get nowhere.
On the plus side, this is definitely the place to have that discourse.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
lillithvain:
setsuka:
After reading this I understand your view a bit more. I understand why you would be frustrated with many women who claim to be bisexual. It is very frustrating as a real bisexual woman. No one ever believes me. Thank you for taking the time to write this. It is very eye-opening.