carnelian

In my garage, a 38 year old man smokes and sleeps. One day when I returned home from work, I found him in the front yard. He was whacking the grass. I noticed he had cut down some of my flowers. So with my hand over my head shielding my eyes from the sun's bright rays being cast from his unclothed backside, I made my way carefully toward him. When I got to his ear range, I had to scream, "BOY! YOU'RE IN FOR A REAL GOOD THRASHIN'!! WHY DID YOU CUT DOWN MY FLOWERS!" He jumped and stumbled about. I had apparently frightened him. Then he made a sad boyish face, opened his mouth slowly and said, "I'm sorry momma, I thought you'd be proud of me for cutting the grass while you were gone. I didn't know those were flowers."

In my garage, I asked, "Do you think this looks good enough to wear to court?" The man says, "COURT?!" I reply, "Yes, I have court tomorrow." This man cries, laughs then says, "I'm gonna post on my facebook, 'my mother is a criminal!' and yeah that looks okay."

Wish me luck today