i know i've updated already, but i thought about things. and i realized, sometimes, i get...frightened? i read what others write, and i feel completely incompitent and stupid. but i know i'm not. im not completely ignorant. but i feel so ignorant sometimes. i hate that feeling. it scares me. it makes me feel like im incompitent. i feel as if i should open up my eyes more, as if i should read some more, as if i should let go of my naivety and realize not everything is good, not everything is great, there isn't always a silver lining on all the clouds, sometimes, things do actually go downhill. but i refuse to do that. i try to hang on to that naivety, to that innocence, to that last shred of childhod in my life. but i doubt that i'll be able to hold on to everything that is good within. i hope i get to though. i don't want to become bitter or angry or pessimist for that matter. i hope i manage to keep a small sliver of my naivety, i hope i get to keep a little shred of my joy, i hope i always see that silver lining on every single cloud that passes in my sky, whether its a clear, crisp cloud, or a dark gray one. hope is such a beautiful thing really. its what keeps me going foward to seeing my old age, to seeing what's to come, to approaching the future with an optimistic point of view.
lets go somewhere else...
i was discussing directors w/ someone. and i've realized, though im oblivious to alot of things, when watching a movie, i tend to be a little more attentive to that than real life. i'm an escapist. i do anything to excape reality, like watch a movie, and pay more attention to the movies, the books, the comics, the false realities in order to escape all the burdens of my reality. that's part of my naivety. im such a stupid girl with stupid fears, and stupid thoughts, and stupid...everything...
i tire of this, lets move on...
i hurt in so many different ways. its terrible. my head hurts, my back, my ovaries, heart, my soul, my everything...i need something that will cure all my ailments.
let us find a happiness
happiness...is that a lie? a dream? something we only have when we are innocent? are we ever innocent? what the hell am i saying? i sound so stupid.
traveling further away from this regurgetation...
the aches of the body are often reflectant on the aches of the soul...
i have nothing more to say. im done. for now. good nite? oh g-d i wish it was that time...
lets go somewhere else...
i was discussing directors w/ someone. and i've realized, though im oblivious to alot of things, when watching a movie, i tend to be a little more attentive to that than real life. i'm an escapist. i do anything to excape reality, like watch a movie, and pay more attention to the movies, the books, the comics, the false realities in order to escape all the burdens of my reality. that's part of my naivety. im such a stupid girl with stupid fears, and stupid thoughts, and stupid...everything...
i tire of this, lets move on...
i hurt in so many different ways. its terrible. my head hurts, my back, my ovaries, heart, my soul, my everything...i need something that will cure all my ailments.
let us find a happiness
happiness...is that a lie? a dream? something we only have when we are innocent? are we ever innocent? what the hell am i saying? i sound so stupid.
traveling further away from this regurgetation...
the aches of the body are often reflectant on the aches of the soul...
i have nothing more to say. im done. for now. good nite? oh g-d i wish it was that time...
As for naiveness being the reason children are so innocent and easy to please isn't sothimg I subscribe to. I think it's the size of the container rather than how clean and crisp it is. You accept things easier with little reason because ... your small, young and all that. You don't need that many reasons to beleive anything nad in some cases you don't even have to see it.
When you get older its harder, especially if the reasons you used as a back board, and jumping point on how you react, think and beleive have been proven incorrect. Children need someone they trust to tell tham what they need to know. as you get older you need them to tell you ... but you need three basic ideas, a few facts, cited sources and a ironclad interview with someone whom may be an expoert in said field to finally say I believe this with that unshaking affirmation.
have hope doesn't make you ignorant even if you feel that way. It means you have hope. I think that's pretty amazing to try like hell to escape reality and still have hope for it when you com back.