It's been a long, long journey to get to this point. I've attempted actual suicide several times, all unsuccessful obviously. I've really wanted to draw blood several occasions but could never find the gumption to cut that deep. I've overdosed a couple of times. I've drank myself into utter oblivion.
These things all point to one inescapable fact: I am not meant to die yet. The purpose in my life still remains illusive, but I will push on and see where this life goes. What else am I going to do? Keep trying to kill myself and be damned eternally? I cut deeper than ever just last night into my wrist, but still could not find a satisfactory amount of blood. I don't know what draws me so strongly to wanting to see a lot of blood coming from me, but that urge shows itself far too often while drinking. Obviously I should probably stop drinking, but I don't.
I've done my share of drugs in the past year. Who starts doing drugs in their late 20s and into their 30s? Kind of weird I guess, but that's what's happened to me these past few years.
How about something positive? My dog, Max, is the most awesome fucking dog. I love him, but apparently not enough to dissuade me from doing dumb shit like trying to kill myself. He's got an awesome personality and he deserves so much better than the piece of shit owner he has now.
I like the new changes to SG so far. This is my first time checking in in quite some time. I like that it's free. That's awesome.