Hey guys!
I must say I'm really sorry for being inactive for the last weeks. I mostly go on SG while I'm working and...well...I'm on a break XD so that's why. But no worries, I have time to post but not really any time to go through my messages and the members feed like I love to do.
This is going to be a really personal blog post, as I have to tell you something...
You guys have always been with me when it came to my love life. I posted about my poly amorous feelings and fuck ups, my breakups and all. And now, I gotta tell you I'm back at being single.
It's been a while now but I have to talk about it so I can vent and also tell you that...it is the best fucking thing that could have happened to me right now.
I was in love. really. But wasn't able to love. I was so much into the changes I was going through and my things that I couldn't love properly. But at the same time, I must say, I was not with the right person.
There is not one soulmate. Even though I really loved him, I ended up focusing more on his flaws than on the things I liked about him. I guess, being 3 years in a relationship with the same person ends up like this. But also, I happened to discover he didn't love me anymore. All he wanted was to use me for sex. And I discovered this by challenging up his sex life.
He ended up breaking up with me, saying he never really loved me, and was with me only for my body and voice, that I had a disgusting personality and that it was me using him. I guess he's not really wrong. I wasn't able to give him the affection he wanted in the last months, and I had really detached myself from him since the first time he broke up with me to be with another girl so I could be able to cope with him breaking up on me again. But still, I know all he was to me was mean, and not okay.
It's okay to break up with someone you don't love anymore. But you don't have to tell bullshit to this person. But in a way, he was so mean to me that it really helped me see he wasn't the ''right'' guy anymore. Which is kinda perfect!
And you know what's even more perfect?
I just recently met a guy...the kind of guy which seems so perfect to me...
He is just intelligent, he is really open to the fact I do nude modelling and would even like to try (maybe not nude modelling but related things), he sure is cute but what is even more perfect, is that he loves about the same things I love. I mean, I prefer chocolate, he prefers caramel, he listens to electronic music, I listen to rock. But like, we already have this strong complicity. At this time, we only had one date, we have our second date tonight, and I just can't wait. I know it may turn out bad. Maybe it won't work at all.
I just know that now I have the hopes necessary to know I will find the right person for me. I can find someone intelligent (sorry for my sapiosexual needs) that is attractive and that I will be able to love just has much as I deserve and I'm able to love.
I also have the extreme luck to have friends that love me a lot and that know I love them even though I suck at showing my feelings towards someone.
And you guys, maybe you don't know it, but I love you a lot...a whole lot!
Just for you, here's a picture I shot last friday with Adam Delsarte, a wonderful photograher!
MUA's and hair by Garance Mouz and Véronique Fiasse
Just know that I love you guys so much, never stop believing!
-xxx-
Caraphernelia
