captspaz

It's finally raining. I just want to sit out in the rain and let it fall all over my body until there isn't an inch of me left dry... but since I have a sinus infection, I can't... so I showered instead...

...let the water run red, darling....

It's amazing how much can come flooding back in an instant from a smell... no matter how much I scrub, the regrets and shame don't come off... I curl up and smell the bodywash that has coated my skin... it's Tyler... He always makes everything better... I know he's still awake, and I try to will him to call... I stare at my phone in disappointment, as 'I Write Sins, Not Tradgedies' does not play. I stare at the back of my eyelids, hoping for an answer to come to me... there are none there. I begin to cry, and the rain falls harder.

... th rain is salty tonight...

I thumb through pictures, remembering the good times and how much I'll miss them... thinking how I'll never get any of those times back, nor make more like them... and I remember all the stupid times, the sad times and the like... then I find that song... the one you encouraged me to write so long ago to help me vent...

"I'm not your fucking doormat, baby."

I read through it and realize how relevant it stayed... I hear Panic!... I look around... I see that beautiful name on my phone... I already start to feel better as I hear that familiar voice as he says "Hey baby, I love you."...