captknutz

ok finally I'll say whats going on, didn't before cause I was being real superstitious, now I'm just tryin to let go and let whatever happens happen.

So anyways I started talkin to the ex again, and am sorta trying to work thing out with her. Feel free to tel me what a dumb idea it is, but I just couldn't bullshit myself anymore on how I felt, and I figure I owe it to my kids by giving them a shot at having a real family, cause of my job, if it don't work out, eventually I'm gonna have to move and I want my kids to have two parents who are ther and not one thats just a picture in their room and a voice on the telephone.

Not tryin to force something that just won't work, just goin with how I feel and what the right thing to do is. The only complication is her ex boyfreind just won't fuck off, the guys a compulsive liar and pretty fucked in the head, I really don't want her goin back to him cause he was violent with her, If she does go back to him and he ever gets that way with my kids, he'll become real aquainted with my .45 if ya get my drift.

anyways just been in a real weird mood lately, been listening to a lot of industrial music. Theres a lot f anxiety and mood swings in all this, but I gotta ride it out