captknutz

4-22-04
7:53Am
Had another fucked up dream about Cassandra.(the ex) This one had something to do with a shotgun. My daughter was asking her if we would please get back together agin, and the Casssandra gave her some really fucked up answer in a super bright and cheery kids tv show kinda voice.It ended the way they always do with her screaming at me over something and then belittling me.
Things have slowed down a bit since the past couple weeks. I was reeling from everything that was going on, and had figured I was out of hell altogether, looked at it again and realized I wasn't, nor am I now. I'm merely lingering in its upper levels where I can see the world and what would make me happy I just can't seem to get to it.
So now I'm back to the place wher its like"what now???" Life gets real fast only to get real slow again. Going on vacation soon so I need to move fast during that.
Mikeala is apparently avoiding me for some reason, I probably scared her off cause I was overly anxious, story of my life. It's definately a disapointment, but ther's nothing I can do about it now.
Sometimes I think I should just lower my standardsand settle for a girl that is nice, but that I'm not really attracted to.(those seem to be the only ones that like me lately) But I can't do that cause then I could never really get all the way into it, and that wouldn't be fair to the girl. And besides I wouldn't want anyone setlling for me, I'd want them to really want to be with me. I always flt like Casandra settled for me and that felling sucks.