so here i am, my relationship just ended ten minutes ago. what to do what to do. should i drink til i passout, should i draw until i can't see, should i unload all the shit i shouldbe saying to her here? maybe i should just stop, stop caring stop asking why, what or how. i know it has been unhealthy for the both of us to keep doing things the way we were but it doesn't stop me form not wanting it to end, hoping one day she will be who she was, i'll be who i was. i am so glad i decided not to leave the country the times i had the chance so we could be together. she still doesn't want to hear that she was the reason i stayed, doesn't want me to put it on her. well people here's is the truth, i was scared not of being lost in a place i couldn't understand but when i was getting ready to leave things were good again for the first time in a long time and i was scared of losing that feeling that moment of bliss. i know it hasn't been like that ever since i stayed but i still wanted it. sometimes wanting something is not enough. and when your both too stupid and stubborn to fight with everylast breathe for things to be better they won't be. i want ot believe i did everything for it to be better but the truth is wanting it to be true doesn't make it so. we're both to blame, we just can 't talk anymore, but the thought of never finding someone who laughs like her makes me break down more than anything else, when you find someone who lets you laugh like you it is way better than all the problems could ever be, that's not true just wishing it was again.