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Christmas is starting out really wonderful for me. Got no sleep. Pulled a bunch of muscles in my back. Various other bs. Jeep blew the radiator and I almost didn't make it home from a 10 minute drive. Have to fuckin work on Christmas Eve. I have to leave for work in 20 minutes and I'm hungry with no time for food. The TV that I was supposed to have within the next week is backordered and I will be lucky to have by my birthday. I feel comletely unfulfilled in every way. I am lonely for Christmas. And I fear that I will always be lonely. Always wanting what I guess I will never have and is not meant to be mine. There's only one thing I truly want for Christmas, and it feels more and more like I will never have it.



God I wish I could drink myself into nonexistence right now. But I'm too responsible for that. Fuck!