cap

Ok this will be my last post. The only reason I stayed were for people I cared about. And the SECOND I lied to hide my true feelings. It got broadcasted on Satelite. Is it what I said? Yes, more or less. Is it the truth? No. Will I sink to the same level an email saved conversations to defend my self. No. I made a promise. I was in a position of trust. I can vindicate myself by breaking a promise. I won't. It really doesn't matter anymore. The second people I cared about wrote me off as not worth a second guess, I stopped caring. I lied to make everyone happy. And I screwed myself.

To the people who think I'm scum. I'm sorry. All I wanted was for the guy to get the girl, and for another to not have to be hated by a guy she turned down. I wanted everyone happy. And if that meant convincing someone I wasn't romanticly interested in anyone, so be it. But it had to be convincing. I never realized I was being baited into going on and on in the lie.

I refuse to insult when insulted. I refuse to take anything back. I did what I did to help you. And one betrayed me before the conversation had even started, another wrote me off without a second guess, and the last ignored all the facts in my favor for one against me.

For the record a letter can be edited and copied, and most importantly parts can be deleted. I have my own copy. And it carries no more or less weight. But this isn't a right or wrong discussion is it? It's a popularity contest. I don't play games like that.

I'm not angry or disgusted. Hurt? Only a lil. My positive actions do not outway a rumor from a person who has Publicly flipped out on people and broken my trust. That's all that hurts. I would'nt have changed anything. There is nothing wrong with good deeds done in vain. If they fall ignored blame the ignorant.

So to anyone who still cares. Goodbye. I refuse to be a target of hatemail and backstabs. To those involved, sept one, I wish you well and regret that you hate me. To that one I gotta say this

Being who I am has allowed me to love and lose, to be happy and have friends, to have the ability to make friends and diresgard enemies. What do you have to show for who you are, for this? Jack shit. You go home and drink at 5pm and wait for people like me to say hi, and distract you from you self loathing and masicism. It means woman hating, look it up. This weekend I'll make more friends and you'll be sitting around fishing for pity. I looked at you and saw myself. A kind romantic who needed a break. Thanks for showing me and anyone else that you are VERY different from me.

The Cap sails above troubled waters and laughs at the sharks. He mourns lost friends never to return.