cap

Ok today I'm goingto vent, or preach, vent and preach. I normaly am against this whole emotions thing. But I need to say this to someone or I'm gonna explode. I feel like if I close my eys and consentrate my rage will make every dog bark and every baby cry. Like some angry presence exists and has finally awaken. I hear a lot of mushy ideas that writing what you feel, is calming and gives you a slight sence of closure so hear goes.

I don't know if for every one in this world there is a "special" someone. I won't really ever know. But I do KNOW this. Every once in a while someone wonderful comes along. They just glow. They won't be some diva, or some stud, or rich or famous they will simply be themselves. And you will love them for it. You will feel like they are the reward for all the crap you have been through. But (more importantly) you will KNOW that you are their reward too.
You won't think that they are too good for you.
You won't smile to yourself and think you are more than they deserve and should be thankful.
You will think that life is finally giving you a REAL opportunity.
And you will have a stable, andconfident attidue, and there fore be ready. (After all if you arent comfortable and confident with your own life you are definatly not ready to invite people to share it.)
And most importantly from the beginning, you will KNOW.

You will do anything and every thing to deny and convince yourself other wise. But ask any succesful couple, "Hey, if you really look back, didn't you feel something special, a spark, from day one? Didn't she somehow make you feel warm and glowy?"

So why am I pissed? What's my lesson? This:
No matter what you believe in.
Fate.
Chance.
Destiny.
Free Will.
This is the reality. This person IS a reward. But they are also an opportunity. Like a reward, or prize, they can get rusty and ware from neglect. Or you can be careless and break them. And like a gold medal. They can be taken back if you no longer deserve it.
A lot of someones, most someones, MY someone. Lose these opportunities. Because of Pride(mostly men), or doubt(mostly women). They let it slip thru their fingers. They hesitate. Or are afraid to put in effort cuz it may be the WRONG effort. They may follow some stupid RULE and say if somethings wrong she can call ME, play hard to get. I'm guilty. Or they may not want to burdern the other. Which I think is what she's doing.
BULL FUCKING SHIT. TAKE THAT CRAP AND FUCK OFF!!!!!
Go to a mirror! Wait not now come back! And think this one fucking thought.

WHO THE FUCK HAS THE RIGHT TO TAKE AWAY YOUR HAPPINESS? HOW FUCKING DARE THEY!!!
Now think this: That person is you. You are gonna let them slip thru your fingers. You are a fucking fool.
But there may be time left. Step up to the plate. Get to work. Fight for what you deserve.
I do feel better. Not perfect. But better. Or at least less bad.
Thanks for listening.