cap

I'm drunk again so please forgive the sloppy post.

Tonight I went to Club Hell for thefirst time ever. Tonight was fetish night. I am reasonably certain I stuck out like hell. The doorman wouldn't let me in because I wasn't dressed the part. Blue jeans. But he let me in eventually. I was happy there. Comfortable. There is a part of me I can't explore but there I was "myself" Me not holding back. Experiencing things I only thought about. There was no shame, no restraint, and no guilt. This is a big part of who I am and it sickens me that I can't endulge it because of how I'm comfortable dressing and how my friends behave. I was me without the chip on my shoulder. The "always on guard" persona I've made my personality. I was, despite my appearance, accepted. No one judged me, or looked at me twice, questioning my attenance. BTW I swore I saw at lest a few SGs. And a lot of people from my childhood. Who'd of thunk. I hada great time. I hooked up ironicly with a girl who had a crush on me. Next time I think I'll approach some one I don't know and make friends.

By the way, the guys who dressed oppositly (it's a word cuz I say so) they all looked great. They put a lot of work into it and it paid off. Next time I'm gonna tell one.

And GOD!!!!! I haven't had my ass grabbed so often .....EVER!!!!

I had a good time. I think I'm turning a corner. See you next week.