canismajor

I've been at the hospital every minute I'm not working or sleeping. Starting today I've even cleared my schedule of any work until further notice. I never imagined watching someone you love die. For his sake I hope it hurries up. He is incredible pain. Straight morphine only lasts about four hours. At night for some reason he fights it to stay awake. This is not a good awake though. He is incredibly agitated looks like he has things to say but usually can't get it out. Once and a while he gets out the clearest wise crack. My dad has always been a ball buster. His problem is at 60 he is fairly young and until recently very strong. They tell us his body will fight longer than most. I don't know how. His cancer has spread from the pleura of the lung (mesothelioma) to the liver, then the brain and then two spots in his bones. We stopped having it evaluated about two weeks ago. I imagine it has spread further at this point. He was first diagnosed in January '04. He kept it in check with a miserable battery of chemo and pain killers. His body got toxic from them around August. He had no treatments while recovering and the cancer spread like wild fire. Maybe 3 weeks ago we were still cruising around checking out some jobs listening to Pink Floyd together. It is astounding how fast he has changed. You hold their hand and look into their eyes every day for hours on end and watch them die. It is something you can actually perceive day to day sometimes within hours. You are given an actual list of signs as it progresses that is quite accurate. I have to stretch their timeline because of his recent strength but it is accurate. It looks like it will (hopefully) end in the next couple of days. He hasn't eaten in weeks. He has finally stopped drinking. His body is shutting down. For his sake it better be soon. ---CM