I feel restless and anxious tonight. There's something in the air - in the night, in the rain, in the darkness seeping through the clouds... it's already spilled into my veins, and it's not a good feeling.
It's an aching hollowness without a name. Just one of those nights where my flesh is prickled with goosebumps, my eyes raw and naked, my complexion sombered by a coldness that's chilled me through to the core.
My wrists are red once again. The tread marks of my erratic and self-destructive behavior. I like the way it feels, even more than I like the way it looks. My wounds. My scars. My flaws etched into the canvas of my skin. Pain makes me feel real and alive. As twisted as that sounds. 
I hate the rain. I always have. The way it cuts through the night with a mind and will of its own. It alters my moods... it makes me feel like I'm drowning in my own tears. Cold, wet, and unforgiving, like the sleek edge of a razor. I like razors, but not when they have the effect of penetrating my spirit, leaving me gasping for clarity and strength. I feel weak in the rain. A part of me melts into the puddles along the sidewalks and into the gutters with the rest of the trash. Rain washes me away, until I dissolve, drained of energy and light.
My body's tired, but my mind's so jumpy and agitated that I can't think straight. Sometimes I forget to take deep breaths and remind myself that this too shall pass. Nothing lasts forever. Especially not these feelings.
How I've been feeling lately in pictures:
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anyways, take care and remember to smile once and a while.