campbell203

Recently I've received an email from one of my college advisers asking how my job hunt was going and was interested in my current job status. And it made me feel depressed, I though once I graduated from college I would have feeling of accomplishment, and the ability to use what I was taught. Unfortunately I have neither. I had the feeling of accomplishment but it's now January and I graduated in Oct. I have nothing to show for the time in between, no recent work, no portfolio pieces, and no new better job.
It's not like I'm procrastinating, for once. I just don't have any inspiration, no idea of what to do. The things I think about doing is what other have. I can't think of anything original to do or something different from the things I have seen. Most people can take what they observe or do in their environment to inspire them to do amazing things. All I do is work and maybe once in awhile go out for a beer. I observe my roommates, one sleeps, one works way to much and is trying to plan her own wedding, another has 2 jobs, and one does nothing at all and makes excuses for everything. No the last one isn't me, I'm somewhere in between the one that sleeps and the one that works too much but negating the wedding planning.
I know my inspirational problem is that I'm not creative. I don't go out of my way to try, or do new things. I try to make everything a routine. I get afraid that I might forget something but most of all I'm afraid of failing or giving up. I don't want to move back home a failure or disappoint my folks who are paying for my education and really don't have much for themselves. I want my family to be proud of me for once. I mean they are proud of me for graduating but I want them to be proud for other reasons that I can't explain.
No idea where I was going with this just overwhelmed with the disappointment that is my life thus far.