A question that I've been mulling over in my head for some time...
what is the difference between someone who can be comfortable with their partner being sexually intimate with someone else, and someone who cant? I really don't have a problem with bringing in another man to play with me and my partner in a two men pleasuring the woman scenario, even a random bar pick-up. Doesn't bother me one bit. Its the scenario where I'm not present that bothers me.
Personally, I find that my current gut reaction would be discomfort. Mainly at the small but real possibility of STDs , the lack of control in the situation (what if the guy is one who doesn't know what "No" means and winds up hurting her), and feeling threatened (if she's having fun over there, where does that leave me? Where will my sexual needs fit in?) though the later is a small part of my male brain, that since this has never come up before, I've yet to rewire. I'm working on that.
I'm wondering though, is my gut reaction simply that? Just a knee-jerk reaction? What if its something that I can learn to adapt to, what if its only an issue for me because it hasn't yet been turned into a non-issue? I've been in a similar situation before with my ex-wife, she was seeing a guy she knew for a couple years and they became sexually intimate. I was fine with it then, because I thought we had a solid foundation and I had no reason to doubt her devotion. It actually turned me on, knowing that she was with this other guy. Perhaps my comfort with the situaton stemmed from our solid history and the fact that I knew the guy was a decent man, not just after pussy and not apt to say anything he needed to in order to get inside hers.
I've never considered having an open relationship that wasn't preceeded by establishing a solid, secure closed relationship first. Would I be able to adapt to an open relationship right out of the gate, without compromising my wants and desires, that could become a sucessfull one. One with security and trust, despite the outside-relationship acivity. I don't know, I've never tried but something tells me that I'm not the first person to ask this question of themselves, so if you have any advice, dear friends, let it fly
Maybe my discomfort with the thought of my partner being alone with some guy is baggage from my marriage because I wan't this stressed about it before. Hmmmm. I'll chew on that some more.
The thing is, I've never been a controlling or posessive person. In fact I've always been quite the opposite, encouraging and empowering my partners to live their life with the freedom to go out, have fun, have their own friends, do their own thing. I really don't feel the need to be attached at the hip. In fact I value having time to myself very much. Is it possible to have an open relationship without establishing a solid closed relationship first? I'm not sure, honestly I dont think so but at the same time can a solid primary relationship be built while exploring an open relationship at the same time?
What do you think, people?
what is the difference between someone who can be comfortable with their partner being sexually intimate with someone else, and someone who cant? I really don't have a problem with bringing in another man to play with me and my partner in a two men pleasuring the woman scenario, even a random bar pick-up. Doesn't bother me one bit. Its the scenario where I'm not present that bothers me.
Personally, I find that my current gut reaction would be discomfort. Mainly at the small but real possibility of STDs , the lack of control in the situation (what if the guy is one who doesn't know what "No" means and winds up hurting her), and feeling threatened (if she's having fun over there, where does that leave me? Where will my sexual needs fit in?) though the later is a small part of my male brain, that since this has never come up before, I've yet to rewire. I'm working on that.
I'm wondering though, is my gut reaction simply that? Just a knee-jerk reaction? What if its something that I can learn to adapt to, what if its only an issue for me because it hasn't yet been turned into a non-issue? I've been in a similar situation before with my ex-wife, she was seeing a guy she knew for a couple years and they became sexually intimate. I was fine with it then, because I thought we had a solid foundation and I had no reason to doubt her devotion. It actually turned me on, knowing that she was with this other guy. Perhaps my comfort with the situaton stemmed from our solid history and the fact that I knew the guy was a decent man, not just after pussy and not apt to say anything he needed to in order to get inside hers.
I've never considered having an open relationship that wasn't preceeded by establishing a solid, secure closed relationship first. Would I be able to adapt to an open relationship right out of the gate, without compromising my wants and desires, that could become a sucessfull one. One with security and trust, despite the outside-relationship acivity. I don't know, I've never tried but something tells me that I'm not the first person to ask this question of themselves, so if you have any advice, dear friends, let it fly
Maybe my discomfort with the thought of my partner being alone with some guy is baggage from my marriage because I wan't this stressed about it before. Hmmmm. I'll chew on that some more.
The thing is, I've never been a controlling or posessive person. In fact I've always been quite the opposite, encouraging and empowering my partners to live their life with the freedom to go out, have fun, have their own friends, do their own thing. I really don't feel the need to be attached at the hip. In fact I value having time to myself very much. Is it possible to have an open relationship without establishing a solid closed relationship first? I'm not sure, honestly I dont think so but at the same time can a solid primary relationship be built while exploring an open relationship at the same time?
What do you think, people?
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personally, i don't share physically or emotionally. too bad the mind of men didn't wander so much to always crave the physical company of others so much, puts me a in a constant quandry.