camalot

Hello blog. Its been a bit too long since my last post but I've got my ass in gear now. So the wife (ex wife that is) has been spending the majority of her time with the new boyfriend which is good because that leaves me all by myself and i need that. I want to be her friend and I want to tell her to fuck off all at the same time. While she was in Belize this last week with the BF, I was quite happy by myself and actually began to relax. The tension in my neck and shoulders is going away. Well, it WAS. She came home today and the first fucking thing out of her mouth was to point out that I had parked in the middle of the driveway and she had to park partially on the grass...I'm thinking "park on the fucking street then!" but all I can manage to mutter is "Okay...?"

THEN, it became very clear to me that I am not dealing with this very well. It's bottled up and our friendlyness is meerly a farse. I wear my game face around her to keep things peacefull. But, I do not like her. I do not like what she has become and what this mess had made of me. I miss the person I used to be only a few short months ago.

The real test of our friendship will come after January 12th when we move out of the house. Then, any interaction will be by design and not because we live in the same house. We will not see eachother unless we make a point to do so. I expect there will be a period where i will not want to see her for a while. I don't know how long that will be and truthfully, I'm wondering if it won't be permanent.

If I had met her for the first time right now, she would not be the sort of person I would call my friend. Well, I guess I just answered my own question...time will tell.

Good night kids.