calle

I have been a bit under the weather, in my head that is. All this time that I have been dealing with whole shoulder thing and having to have all these surgeries, getting a fucking shoulder replacement, having 50 + procedures for the nerve disease I have... It's like I have been in a tunnel and I have always seen the light at the end... and now after the recent news... it's light alright... Light from the fucking train that coming fucking flying at me!!!

I was told Monday that because of my nerve disease, when this is all over I am going to be deamed Totaly and permanantly disabled. That is soooo fucking aweful! I am not a person thatsits back and lets things happen, I'm a fucking over-achiever and I make things happen the way that I want them to... and I can't fix this! I'm sooo fucked up right now. I hate this!!!

I don't know what to do!

What can I do but keep on trucking and hope that when the train hits me it doesn't kill me!