calixte

There are no words to express the emotions running through me right now... this is childish, but I can't seem to make myself care.... I'm getting help by the way, but tonight, well fuck tonight...

Evidently I fucked up again.
Not surprised... that's what I do.
Fuck up.
And yes, I'm having a pity party.
But then I'm so freaking mad I could spit.
And so hurt I can't even begin to cry.
And its my fault.
I fucked it up with a friend.
Ha, probably more than one...
SS Calixte always leaves a wake.
Didn't even bother to ask what the fuck was going on with me.
But he's right. I'm a deceptive person undeserving of trust.
I think I warned him...
Even if I didn't I still messed up and there is no sypathy in that for me.
Believe me, I already hate myself enough because I am the way I am and (something you should know) I am trying to change it.
Did you know its hard for me to be honest and open with people cause I've been hurt in the past?
Did you know I'm getting counselling right now for that?
Did you know I've been stretched thin lately and sorry but I dn't reach out for help?
I don't know how to be in a healthy relationsyhip or friendship.
Happy now?
Calixte is damaged goods...
Sorry the SS sunk and took you too.
Its not my intention to hurt or decieve...
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
So I'm taking a break.
PM me, but I might not be here for a while.