calgoth

I'm not doing good today... i know, you guys have been hearing me say that alot. damnit, i'm being one of those self-involved 'woe is me' goths.
i feel like the stress of my life is killing me slowly. I work as a computer tech, but get paid crap, hell, i probably couldn't live on my own if i wasn't still living with my mom (pathetic at age 21). I have a beautiful baby daughter that i see on the weekends and if i'm lucky and have enough strength to push myself through the rush hour traffic on the 91 at night, maybe once or twice during the week. My ex hates me with a passion- i'm trying to get used to it, but it hurts alot. a fucking movie got me in tears right now. i'm doing everything i can to be there for my daughter- but feeling the hate come off of her makes me want to curl in a ball and just die.

i should be happy. i have a beautiful daughter, alexandra, a job that at least i enjoy the work, a g/f that shares my interests and we even still hunt together, a car, and a roof over my head. But i feel so hurt and alone sometimes. my life has never been perfect, but what i'm going through is possibly the hardest thing i have ever done. Part of me just wants to run and hide in the darkest corner and just let the world pass me by. but if i do that, i'll loose everything and i know it.
the only thing i can do is be patient and let things keep going as they are. eventually they will get better, i hope. i know this all in my head, but at the same time, i don't feel it, if you know what i mean