calgoth

another weekend of drinking too much, but not as bad as the burgondy room earlier this month hopefully i should have money again soon cause i went and applied at the HP factory...only 8 bucks an hour but i get to build computer all day long. its better than fast food or retail, at least it keeps me in the industry.

i hate dreaming sometimes. I rarely ever dream, but last night i passed out very drunk and all night i felt like i was boiling hot. Then i started having very intense dreams- one i can remember was being in a car accident. Another was of my ex
anyways- i'm off to the pub with my family for lunch. ttyl

LATER ON THAT EVENING:
well - i went down to laguana beach and hung with my friend andy. most the day was cool, i haven't enjoyed the beach that much in forever. was kicking back drinking rum with him and i started to think of my ex, Steph. She always loved the beach. grrr.
anyways, came home, played some video games and gave the ever sexy morbidcherry a call- gotta love that girl. anyways, i'm tired now and have school at bloody 8 am. While i'm really quite tired, i'm also depressed and just don't want to fall asleep again after last night- maybe i'll drink, but then i won't wake up for school. talk to everyone tomorrow
-Josh

YET ANOTHER HOUR OR SO HAS PASSED BY:
I can't sleep. Everytime i lay my head on the pillow i'm thinking of steph. i feel so helpless. and i'm pathetic cause it has been over two months now and i can't move past her. i wonder what the next life would be like if i died in my sleep dreaming about being with her? I'm trying desperatly to cling to my sanity right now, not to completely lose my ability to deal with life. but its so hard to face a life without her.