calgoth

I'm back home from hanging out with my bud John and his wife Jenny for the last two days- the gaming was cool, but I got really lonely hanging out with them and watching them cuddle, kiss, etc.... I'm being bitter tongiht about my life. Just when everything was about to go right and life was taking the next step, it crumbled down around me. I want to drink very badly right now to forget the pain and be numb for a while- so therefor i won't drink. I can't keep escaping the pain, even if it hits me hard every night, i have to keep facing it. Either things will get easier eventually or i will just not be able to take it anymore- but numbness is against everything i believe. Alcohol used just to kick back and enjoy is one thing, but not like i have been, and especially by myself. I just really wish I had my ex stephanie in my bed right now, i was curled up and sleeping in her arms. I won't ever have that again- and it hurts so much to think of how happy i was....
but i digress . i may be unhappy, i'm not as bad as i have been.... i'm just thinking of her alot, and reading her livejournal still doesn't help- though i'm not checking it a few times a day now, so i'm doing alot better.